This is just a friendly, gentle reminder that while you were playing Rambo in DC, we turned the state of Georgia the loveliest, most vibrant shade of blue anyone has ever seen. Which is why my drink of choice tonight is Champaign, and my message to you lot is this:
After you go fuck yourselves for whatever amount of time you deem reasonable — you’re big boys so it’s your choice — please feel free to crack open a cold one, make yourself a nice spam sandwich and chill. Cuz in about five minutes, you’re going to have a great paying job at a wind turbine manufacturing plant, with paid family leave and the month of August off. Plus you will have guaranteed healthcare for you and your family, which will continue even when you’re fired from the wind turbine plant cuz of your meth addiction. (No judgement, been there.) You will hit rock bottom and be arrested when you’re caught cooking meth in your bathtub, but you will NOT be shot by the police or put in prison for a decade. You will receive addiction treatment at a top-notch drug treatment center and beat that monkey right off your back. Good for you!!!
In the meantime, your grandma will live so long due to the availability of affordable, world-class healthcare, you’ll kinda be wishing for death panels so you can finally get your hands on that set of commemorative Christmas plates you’ve always wanted…
